Talent at Hogwarts
by Jade Malfoy
Summary: Same as other Talent at Hogwarts just different rating. Damn ff.net!
1. Chapter 1

Title : Talent at Hogwarts  
  
Author: MrsRemusLupin  
  
Rating: R possibly NC-17  
  
Summary: It's Hogwarts first official talent show! Yay! This is in response to Diosadeorquesta and CryingCinderella's Snape and Hermione challenge!  
  
Disclaimer: Obviously Im not JKR and I don't own any of these characters, they are merely my play things for the moment, I promise to restore them to new once I am finished! You should also keep in mind that some things may seem out of character, and they will be, I am going to mold their personalities a bit to my liking, so don't complain about it! Thank you!  
  
**************************************************************************** **** A/N: This is going to be more of a singing contest rather than a talent show, but there will be a few people not singing. This is mainly hetero pairing, but some M/M is hinted at. This is during almost everyone's 7th year. I understand all the songs they sing are "muggle" songs, but we're all over it now aren't we?  
  
~Dumbledoor~ "Hello everyone and welcome to Hogwarts first ever Talent Extravaganza! We have a wonderful show planned for you tonight, so sit back, relax and without any further adieu, I present out first act. Here is Draco Malfoy singing Missundazstood."  
  
The lights dim and Draco comes out on stage looking very sexy in a tight black mesh shirt and leather pants. (Mmmm) The crowd cheers and many cat calls can be heard, and Ginny yells, "Draco baby, my room midnight!" A single light turns on in the middle of the stage and Draco starts singing.  
  
Draco: "I might be the way  
  
Everybody likes to say  
  
I know watcha thinking about me,  
  
There might be a day  
  
You might have a certain way  
  
But you don't have my luxuries.  
  
And it's me I know  
  
I know my name 'cause I say it proud,  
  
Everything I want I always do  
  
Lookin' for the right track  
  
Always on the wrong track,  
  
But are you catchin' all these tracks  
  
That I'm layin' down for you.  
  
*Draco starts dancing a bit, and some girls and rush the stage screaming*  
  
There's a song I was listening to  
  
Up all night  
  
There's a voice I'm hearing  
  
Saying it's alright  
  
When I'm happy I am sad  
  
But everything's good  
  
It's not that complicated  
  
I'm just misunderstood  
  
Ron screams, "Hey sexy, come to my room instead!"  
  
There might be a day  
  
Everything it goes my way  
  
Can't you think I know I'm superfly  
  
I might see a world  
  
In a world inside of you  
  
Then I might just say goodbye  
  
And it's my name I know  
  
I say it loud 'cause I'm really proud  
  
Of all the things I used to do  
  
Well it's the wrong track  
  
Looking for the right track  
  
And are you catchin' all these tracks  
  
That I'm layin' down for you  
  
And it's the wrong track  
  
Looking for the right track  
  
But are you catchin' all these tracks  
  
That I'm layin' down for you  
  
There's a song I was listening to  
  
Up all night  
  
There's a voice I am hearing  
  
Saying it's alright  
  
I was taken for granted  
  
But it's all good  
  
'Cause I'll do it again I'm just misunderstood  
  
Yeah, I'll do it again I'm just misunderstood  
  
Yeah, I'll do it again I'm just misunderstood  
  
Yeah, I'll do it again I'm just misunderstood" He stops singing, bows and says, "Sorry Weasel, I don't swing that way. Hey Ginny, how about 11:30?!"  
  
~Dumbledoor~ Wow, wasn't that great, and didn't Draco look great." He starts looking strangely at Draco behind stage. ".oh, sorry about that, well next we have Ginny Weasley singing a song titled "Ode to Harry Potter"!" He starts giggling and mumbles, "This should be good!"  
  
The lights turn to a shade of red and Ginny walks out on stage dressed with a long shirt that reads "I Love HP!" She screams, "I still love you Harry, and you to Draco!" The music starts and she sings. Top of Form Bottom of Form  
  
Ginny: "I can't help but blush when you're near me  
  
But you just exclude me from your circle of three  
  
I'm right in front of you, but you don't see  
  
You treat me like I'm a Colin Creevey  
  
I love you  
  
But it seems you don't love me  
  
My friends say you're so brave  
  
And I know  
  
You will see that we were meant to be  
  
When you miss me it will be too late  
  
I have swallowed so much love my hair grows red  
  
Come over to my house to see my brother instead  
  
You didn't get my Valentine, didn't know what it meant  
  
Every page about you my diary's read  
  
I love you  
  
But it seems you don't love me  
  
My friends say you're so brave  
  
And I know  
  
You will see that we were meant to be  
  
When you miss me it will be too late  
  
Even though you're the one I adore  
  
Next year at Hogwarts you'll see I've transformed  
  
I will hold my head up high, I'm a Gryffindor  
  
And you won't need to save me anymore  
  
I love you  
  
But it seems you don't love me  
  
My friends say you're so brave  
  
And I know  
  
You will see that we were meant to be  
  
When you miss me it will be too late!"  
  
She starts screaming, "HARRY I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME HARRY." but she gets so out of hand she is dragged off stage kicking and screaming.  
  
Harry turns to Ron and says, "Hmm, that wasn't bad, but I wonder who she was singing about." Ron looks at him and says, "Im not gonna ask if you just said what I think you just said because I know it's what you just said."  
  
~Dumbledoor~ Comes out on stage wiping away tears, "Well then, wasn't that amusing? I think you're all going to like our next act, I know I don't. Up next is Gregory Goyle with a bit of poetry for us."  
  
Goyle comes out in all black with sunglasses on. He sits on a stool in the middle of the stage, the light dim except for one right on him.  
  
Golye: "This poem is titled "5 Million", here it goes, 1 2 3, 4 5 6, 7 8 9 10, 11 12, 13 14 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 20 21, 22 23, 24, 25 26 27 28, 29 30, 31, 32, 33, 34." some people start to get frustrated, ".51 52, 53, 54 55 56 57, 58, 59, 60, 61 62 63 64, 65, 66, 67, 68 69 70 71, 72 73, 74, 75 76 77, 78 79 80 81." now they are just plain annoyed, ".107, 108, 109, 110 111 112 113, 114 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120 121 122, 123 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129 130 131, 132 133 134 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144 145 146 147 148, 149 150 151 152, 153 154."a few people start to leave and other are pissed off,".179, 180, 181 182 183 184, 185, 186, 187, 189 190, 191, 192 193 194 195 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202 203 204 205, 206 207 208, 209, 210, 211, 212 213."The lights go out and some men come to take Goyle off the stage, there is immense cheering from the audience.  
  
~Dumbledoor~ "Wasn't that bloody terrible? Well our next act is sure to be a hell of a lot better than that. Up next we have *another* song. This one is going to be performed by Minerva McGonagall, Sybil Trelawney, and Professor Vector. They will be singing "Lady Marmalade, and here they are."  
  
  
  
A/N: There you have it, chapter 1, I sure hope you enjoyed it because I thought it sucked, but then again I think all of my stories suck. Please review so I can hear what you think, and if you hated it please don't flame me because I am very sensitive and I am likely to kill myself if you write something too harsh.  
  
Toodles, ~Ashley Lupin~ 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
  
  
The 3 Professors come out on stage looking like old wrinkly whores. A few people either faint or throw up from the scantly clad display in front of them. McGonagall mumbles, "Honestly Sybil, you're wearing enough trinkets to repurchase the island of Manhattan."  
  
McGonagall: "Where's all my souls sisters? Let me hear y'all flow sisters"  
  
All: Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister  
  
Trelawney: "He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge Struttin' her stuff on the street She said, "Hello, hey Joe. You wanna give it a go?(woah, uh-huh)"  
  
All: "Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here Mocha Chocolata ya ya Creole Lady Marmalade  
  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir Voulez vous coucher avec moi"  
  
Vector: "He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up Boy drank all that Magnolia wine Upon her black satin sheets Is where he started to freak, yeah-eah"  
  
All: "Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here Mocha Chocolata ya ya Creole Lady Marmalade  
  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir Voulez vous coucher avec moi"  
  
McGonagall: "We come through with the money and the garter belt Let 'em know we got that cake Straight up the gate We independent women, some mistakes us for whores I'm sayin' why spend mine? when I can spend yours Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry I'ma keep playing these cats out like Atari High heeled shoes, getting love from the dudes Four bad ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge  
  
All: "Hey sisters, soul sisters Better get that dough sisters"  
  
McGonagall: "We drink wine with diamonds in the glass-- By the case--the meaning of expensive taste You wanna gitchie, gitchie, ya ya Mocha Chocolata what? Creole Lady Marmalade One more time, c'mon"  
  
All: "Marmalade Lady Marmalade Marmalade"  
  
Trelawney: "Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, hey Colour of café au lait, alright Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried More (more) more (more) more (more)  
  
Vector: "Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5 Livin' the grey flannel life ( oh pity ) But when he turns off to sleep memories creep More (more) more (more) more (more)"  
  
All: "Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here Mocha Chocolata ya ya Creole Lady Marmalade  
  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir Voulez vous coucher avec moi  
  
Trelawney: "la-day-ay-ay-ay, ay-ay, ay-ay" Vector: "Lay-day Marmalade" McGonagall: "Hey, hey! uh uh uh uh uh uh uh!" All : "Woah-oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh"  
  
By the end of the song the audience members that haven't left screaming are in shock and in need of some major therapy after the show.  
  
~Dumbledoor~ "Woo hoo, I sure enjoyed that, how about all of you?".not a sound."Well I guess you have to be in the mood, anyway, our next act should prove to be very entertaining. Up next we have Professor Snape and Hermione Granger singing "Come What May." Lets give it up for them."  
  
Snape comes out wearing a very sexy gray suit and bowler hat (a/n: ::sigh::). He steps to the middle of the stage and starts to sing.  
  
Snape: "Never knew, I could feel like this Like I've never seen the sky, before Want to vanish, inside your kiss Everyday I love you more and more Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing? Telling me to give you everything Seasons may change, winter to spring But I love you until the end of time Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day"  
  
Hermione comes out in some old fashioned dress that NK wore in MR.  
  
Herm: "Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace"  
  
Both: "Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste"  
  
Herm: "It all revolves around you."  
  
Both: "And there's no mountain to high, no river too wide Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide..."  
  
Snape: "But I love you"  
  
Herm: "I love you"  
  
Both: "Until the end of time Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day Oh come what may, come what may I will love you..."  
  
Herm: "I will love you... Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place"  
  
Both: "Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day"  
  
They stop singing and hug. Hermione reaches up and kisses Severus very passionately. Everyone in the audience gasps as the two continue to make out on stage. As things started to get a little heated Draco runs on stage dressed as a nun and screams, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return!" McGonagall runs out from backstage and yells, "Well you can gicha gicha your ya ya over here now Ms. Granger! What is the meaning of this?" Some people faint, others just stare, and Hermione and Snape keep making out, not paying attention to anyone. By now Snape is evidently turned on and Hermione is massaging his ass while his hands have mysteriously wandered onto her breasts. Snape breaks away for a second and yells, "Yeah, I used to be the sixth Spice Girl, if you wanted to know!" He goes right back to kissing Hermione; the curtain finally closes, shielding them from the view of the crowd, and they still don't notice. They find their way to Hermione's dressing room, their lips locked the whole time. As the continue their "performance" in a more private place Dumbledoor goes out on stage.  
  
~Dumbledoor~ "Wow, Snape looked even hotter than Scott Cohen! Didn't we all learn a lot from that act? Whew, I think we need a nice calm act to cool us all down don't you? Up next is the amazing Seamus with his amazing spoons."  
  
Seamus comes out on stage pushing a cart with a bunch of spoons on top of it.  
  
Seamus: "Hello everyone, how are you all? That's great, now tonight I am going to amaze and astound you with my amazing.SPOON BENDING!" No one gasps to Seamus's dismay. "Well anyway, here I go."  
  
He picks up a spoon in one hand and starts to stare at it, just as people start to think he is going to bend it with his mind he grabs the spoon with both hands and starts to bend it. Once he has successfully bent that spoon he continues until he has bent all of the spoons on the cart. He bows expecting applause, but there isn't any. No one knows what to do, they are somewhere between perplexed and amused at his stupidity. He starts to cry and runs off stage.  
  
~Dumbledoor~ "The amazing Seamus everyone.Now on to some better acts. Up next is Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown with yet another song. This song entitled, "Im a Slave 4 U."."  
  
They come out on stage looking very Britney Spears like, (i.e. slutty). The lights come on and they start to sing.  
  
Parvati and Lavender: "I know I may be young, but I've got feelings too.  
  
And I need to do what I feel like doing.  
  
So let me go and just listen."  
  
They start to dance like hoes.  
  
"All you people look at me like I'm a little girl.  
  
Well did you ever think it be okay for me to step into this world.  
  
Always saying little girl don't step into the club.  
  
Well I'm just tryin' to find out why cause dancing's what I love.  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOA)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOOOA)(Do you like it)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (OOOHHHH)(This feels good)  
  
I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy.  
  
But I feel like talking, feel like dancing when I see this guy.  
  
What's practical is logical. What the hell, who cares?  
  
All I know is I'm so happy when you're dancing there."  
  
Two poles appear on stage and they both begin to pole dance.  
  
"I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.  
  
I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it.  
  
Baby, don't you wanna, dance upon me,  
  
(I just wanna dance next to you)  
  
To another time and place.  
  
Baby, don't you wanna, dance upon me,  
  
(Are you ready)  
  
Leaving behind my name, my age.  
  
(Lets go)  
  
(Like that)  
  
(You like it)  
  
(Now watch me)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOA)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOOOA)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (OOOHHHH)  
  
I really wanna dance, tonight with you.  
  
(I just can't help myself)  
  
I really wanna do what you want me to.  
  
(I just feel I let myself go)  
  
I really wanna dance, tonight with you.  
  
(Wanna see you move)  
  
I really wanna do what you want me to.  
  
(Uh Uh Uh)  
  
Baby, don't you wanna, dance upon me,  
  
(I just wanna dance next to you)  
  
To another time and place.  
  
Baby, don't you wanna, dance upon me,  
  
(Are you ready)  
  
Leaving behind my name, my age.  
  
I'm a slave for you. (Take that) I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.  
  
I'm a slave (It just feels right) for you. (It just feels good)  
  
I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it. (Baby)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOA)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOOOA)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (OOOHHHH)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOA)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOOOA)  
  
Get it get it, get it get it (OOOHHHH)  
  
I'm a slave for you. (Here we go now)  
  
I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.  
  
I'm a slave for you. (Here we go) I won't deny it, (Yeah)  
  
I'm not trying to hide it.  
  
Like that"  
  
They bow and are cheered by the guys and boo-ed by the girls. Hermione (who is done with Snape by now) is especially upset with their little show and throws a pineapple which nocks Parvati unconscious and yells, "Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!" Lavender yells back, "Teachers dated me, my parents hated me, who do you think I am? God damned Britney Spears?!"  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** **************  
  
A/N: Yay, you liked it, you really liked it! I am so happy that you all approve my ff! Everything up to this point I had already written so the next chapter may take a little longer to get posted. I have a ton of ideas swirling around in my, but I have to get them to all make sense.  
  
By the way, if anyone was wondering who the songs were by.  
  
~Missundazstood By: Pink  
  
~Ode to Harry Potter By: The Switchblade Kittens, they rawk!  
  
~The poem 5 million was gotten from the show Trigger Happy TV  
  
~Lady Marmalade By: Christina, Pink, Mya, and Lil' Kim  
  
~Come What May from Moulin Rouge  
  
and Im a Slave 4 U By: Britney Spears, yucky!  
  
I am going to get the next chapter written and posted as soon as possible, but now that school is back I do have somewhat of a life so don't get too impatient!  
  
Toodles,  
  
~Ashley Lupin~ aka: Mrs Moony! 


End file.
